Here is the deal...

It is easier for me to blog using my MYSPACE account so from now on...CLICK HERE for my blog.

May 28, 2005 - The taping was GREAT! We start it as a regular weekly show on June 16. I am moving my blog to MYSPACE...see ya there!

May 26, 2005 - WOW! Over a week and I haven't "blogged" What will my fan think? I now have 19 friends on MYSPACE...do you want to be my friend? Visit MYSPACE and join the teens of fans! Yesterday was my first car sales seminar. It went really well and I am looking forward to doing the next one in July. Tonight is the taping for Comedy Express TV at the club. I am looking forward to a great show...3 shows really, the open mike, the 8:15 show and the taping at 10:15. I just booked a headlining spot at a casino up north. It'll be great to do a road gig again.

May 18, 2005 - So if finally joined this MYSPACE thing. So many people are on it, so I figured what the hell? Not much going on in the world of me...getting ready for the Comedy Cars Seminar next week, and writing, writing, writing. So come, join me on MYSPACE...I only have 3 friends, and one of them is the guy at MYSPACE that does tech support. www.myspace.com/danrosenberg

May 16, 2005 - I never write a lot of topical material. I used to attempt to write this kind of stuff back in the early 90's when I was a contributor via fax for The Tonight Show (they never used any of my bits...ok, once they did, but they didn't pay me because I was the 58th person so send in the joke about the irony of OJ going down the freeway in a White Bronco or something like that) BUT, when I saw that National Lampoon Radio was looking for writers, I figured I'd test the old muscle and see if I could find humor in today's headlines...here are the first 12 I wrote:

Pope John Paul II is said to be on the "Fast Track" to sainthood...the last time the word POPE and FAST TRACK were used in the same sentence...”Hey the Pope didn’t eat his dinner last night…is he fasting?”

Tech firms owe debt of gratitude to "Star Wars" creator George Lucas...without Star Wars, where would they find employees?

In Mexico city, there are bogus mariachi musicians robbing music lovers...and real mariachi musicians don't?

The hand that matches the finger found in a cup of Wendy's chili was finally identified...the call came in when Wendy's received a tip on its reward line...it was a pinky.

After spending more than $1.8 million for a temporary system to catch stray condoms slipping through a sewage treatment plant, a Milwaukee Metropolitan Sewerage District spokesman says officials are fairly confident a majority of condoms are now being caught before they can reach Lake Michigan....however, figuring out how so many fat, ugly Milwaukeeans are getting laid is still under investigation.

Tanzanian police arrested two men accused of killing a 9-year-old boy and selling his skin for 20,000 shillings to make sorcerers' get-rich-quick charms, a senior officer said Friday. Further investigation found that Michael Jackson had EXACTTLY 20,000 shillings withdrawn with his ATM card.

Justin Timberlake, 24, had a procedure done May 5 to remove growths from his vocal chords. The growths were benign, but it will be at least three months before Timberlake can attempt to croon again. When asked if Timberlake will be able to sing, his doctor laughed, said "That's a good one" and walked away laughing some more and mumbling "sing...that's rich"

The Jane Fonda – Jennifer Lopez movie “Monster-in-Law” opened this weekend as the number one movie. Many Charlize Theron fans thought that she looked great in the sequel to MONSTER, but wondered why she made her ass so big?

Doctors in Orlando Florida were surprised when a treatment for cancer actually reduced the cancer to undetectable amounts. Even more surprised was the pharmaceutical company; they thought they were holding the cure to cancer in a lab in Boise Idaho.

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice says the new multiethnic government of Iraq deserves credit for organizing a working Cabinet three months after landmark elections in January, not blame for taking so long. She did, however, ask why there were no African Americans on the cabinet.

Boston’s Manny Ramirez downplayed his 400th career home run. He also probably underestimated the value of the milestone baseball "I'm going to put it on eBay and see how much I get," Ramirez jokingly said. "Maybe $200?" He then traded the ball for another month’s supply of Steroid free urine. 

A smartly dressed man found wandering the streets of London in a soaking wet suit near an English beach has baffled police and care workers after he refused to say a word and then gave a virtuoso piano performance. The man, wearing a formal black suit and tie, was spotted by police in Kent on April 8 and taken to a psychiatric unit where it proved impossible to identify him because he stayed silent. In other news, no one in New York has seen Billy Joel since he walked into a bar wearing a soaking wet formal black suit and tie.

May 9, 2005 - Well the first Mother's Day in the Rosenberg house has come and gone, and with great success! We had a great day together, and now, I can't wait until Father's Day! ;) Did I just make a smiley face thingy? WOW. Anyway, we will be on the east coast for all of June (going to NYC and Maine!) and will have to celebrate Father's Day there. Not too shabby. Saturday's show was a lot of fun and I really enjoyed the comedians...EVERYONE was funny....often does THAT happen? I did a new joke and it died on stage, so I made up some story about how it was born, lived and died right in front of the audience...I asked for a moment of silence for the joke, and then realized that it already had a moment of silence...right after I told it! Gotta go now...I have to go change a poopy diaper....Josh's, not mine...too easy of a joke.

May 5, 2005 - It is so weird to be able to watch The Apprentice at 9 when it is actually on. Since we had no show, and the speaking gig I had ended at 9, I got to come home and watch it live...almost. Project Greenlight is on next and I will watch it almost live too. This is how exciting my life is!!! Is this funny...Women say humor is the #1 thing they look for in a man is a sense of humor. Are rich and gorgeous #0 and #-1? I thought it was funny and I know that there are variations of it out there...hmmmm. Also, I came up with a theory of why Mercedes Benz is the best car to buy...Jaguar's are all Types...X Type, S type...BMW is Series...3,5,7...but Mercedes...C CLASS, E CLASS, S CLASS....not funny per se.....but interesting, no?

May 4, 2005 - Verizon is starting to really SUCK! I have spent days trying to get a credit for a mistake that THEY made and now they shut my phone off...by the way the "supervisor" is always an asshole. There, enough venting...hopefully my phone is back on...I am still sitting on hold with some schmuck. Oh, now the supervisor is coming on...hold on for this....oh, he took care of it...WOW, he must have read what I said...ok then, MOST "supervisors" are assholes...this guy, not so much. All is well in the world...I like Verizon again...SPRINT PCS SUCKS! No show tomorrow but Friday and Saturday look GREAT! Tomorrow I am speaking at a group function with Burt. We are talking about how to cope with life through comedy...hmmmm. Should be fun. My first COMEDY CARS sales seminar is on May 25 and I have already had a few sign-ups...pretty good, huh?

April 29, 2005 - Well, April is almost gone and so is 2005. Once you get to May, it's all down hill from here. I might as well start writing 2006 on my checks to get ready for it. Last night's show was a lot of fun. I did some new bit about sneezing that was a total adlib and now I am kicking my self for not taping it or at least writing it down as soon as I did it. I just remembered another bit from last week about the triple tap that you get when a massage is over...how the hell did THAT one go? Damn. Oh well. I am hoping to finally get a good 5 minute tape to send around.

April 25, 2005 - Again, another Monday, and another episode of 24. Except here is the problem...I haven't watched it yet. Josh and I went to Best Buy for our first "Boys Night Out" and bought a few items of the home entertainment variety. I get home, he is sacked out in his car seat...I think he is STILL sleeping...Beckey is out like a thing that would be out in a funny way, if it was earlier...Elton John? Go with the easy out joke? The easy out? Two bad jokes in one. ANYWHOOO, I am sitting here waiting for Beckey to come down here so we can watch the "moxi'd" 24...still waiting! I may have to watch this as a morning show...so while I wait, I blog...that is all for now.

April 23, 2005 - Ok, so my blogging skills are not made for a daily routine yet. But hey, at least I can admit my problem! So, we had a great show last night at the District and I am looking forward to tonight's show as well. Before the show I am going to go to The Comedy Lodge to judge the comedy contest there. Should be fun. Then I have to bust ass to get to Culver City by 10:15...should be interesting! We just got back from a cool trip to Sedona Arizona. That is one really cool little town. I think when I retire, I want to live there. Big red rocks and really nice weather...what's not to love? Oh, and I missed 24 this week! THAT SUCKS! I forgot that Arizona is in another time zone, but they don't participate in daylight savings time, SOOOOOO, even though it was the same time, all of their shows are on mountain time. 24 is on at 8pm there...what gives Arizona?

April 12, 2005 - Well another day has come and gone. 24 was great this week, I just finally watched in on MOXI (The Tivo type thing that comes from adelphia) Just read the FOX has green lit a pilot called NEW CAR SMELL. That kinda sucks since my script is based in a car lot...but ER was not the first show based in a hospital, right? Comedy shows starting this week on Thursday. If you are reading this and you haven't come to a show yet, what is wrong with you? Oh, by the way, if you know JEFF KORN and I didn't already invite you, we are ROASTING his ass before he moves back to FLORIDA. (Del Boca Vista - Phase 4) The roast is this Sunday at The Comedy District. Burt and I are hosting it...it should be a blast. Be there by 7...

April 10, 2005 - Ok, so no one knows what TMJ is. I still think my paranoid TMJ sufferer on the phone is a good bit. I am getting the rest of the Car Sales part of my one man show finished. This Tony character is becoming quite funny. I am going to have to change the name to protect the guilty, I  am thinking CHAD. With a former name of RALPH and a real name of BERUS. Does it really matter? I hope the show will be ready by May, but I will probably wait until I get back from the east coast, and start it in July.

April 9, 2005 - Again I say, Andy Kindler, one of the funniest people alive! Enough already with the ass kissing, no? Anyway, the show was great and I was very pleased about that. I am now VERY tired and going to bed. ZZZZZZZZ.

April 8, 2005 - Ooops, forgot to log in yesterday. Oh well. Tonight's show was really good. Andy Kindler is one of the funniest people I know. Troy Conrad and Boris Hamilton were really funny... the entire first row was empty. If I ever find the comic that started making fun of people in the first row (probably some thin tie wearing freak from the early 80's) I will personally slap him, Sinatra style. Why is it NO ONE will sit in the front row? I actually made the front row way too close so the second row is actually where the first row should be. Damn, there is that damn Six Flags commercial...gotta go dance!

April 6, 2005 - Mmmmm Lasagna! Beckey made the best lasagna EVER! It's 10pm and I think Josh is asleep. Time for a little tv (ours is a 9 inch portable) Alright, that's all I got. Good night and tip the wait staff!

April 5, 2005 - Today was fun. Spent lots of time with Josh and the new furniture for the sun deck finally came. I still have to lug it all up there, the f%ck!ng delivery guy wouldn't even bring them in, he left them at the front door. What a schmuck! Writing more of the one man show that is still untitled. Oh, and I'm finishing the final touches on this site.

April 4, 2005 - Two words...TWENTY FOUR. I can't believe this show is so damn good! I can't believe FOX has two of my favorite shows. (For the record, HBO has the other two, CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM and SIX FEET UNDER)

April 3, 2005 - Sunday. Wow. Another week starting. Tonight, Arrested Development is on FOX...WOO HOO! Simon Helberg, who was in the Miracle Impersonator with me, is on this episode. I can't believe they may cancel this show. I beg you to go visit www.getarrested.com and pledge to watch the show. This is one of the best shows on TV right now, and I hope that if FOX cancels it, that someone else will pick it up. Didn't they realize their mistake with The Family Guy? Oh yeah, I guess they did, since they are bringing it back.

April 2, 2005 - What an awesome show tonight. David Feldman, Jim Brogan, Bruce Fine, Carroll Sevin, Tina Dupuy, Richie Angeles and Rob Brackenridge ROCKED! It is so great to be in LA and have access to such amazing comedians. (was that enough ass kissing?) Alright then, see you later, that Six Flags commercial is on (with the weird dancing old guy) I have to go dance along with him.

April 1, 2005 - Well, here it is, April fools day. Also, my wife's birthday...hmmmm, a wife born on April fools day and a son named Josh...that's pretty good for a comic, huh? Well, that is all I have to say today.

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